I drink too much
I dance badly
I sing even worse
I eat questionable food
I kiss my friends
I hug my birds

unfollowing a bunch of people due to trolls

It’s nearly August again

I tend to get depressed in August, and onwards, let’s take some time to take about it while we’re feeling lucid.
Dear Nic,
I know how badly you dipped the other day, I was there remember, so I’m just telling you what you already know, it’s coming, and I know you can tell, and please, just get up in the morning and book a doctors appoinment when it does. I know you’re apprehensive because of the side effects you get, but man the fuck up! Ok, the nausea will hell you lose weight, and the lost sleep, you will power through like you always have. Stop making the side effects a fucking excuse for cowering out and making excuses for seeing yourself through this time safely because we know it doesn’t last! ok? but worry about the daft things you might do when you get this way. Come on lass, we don’t need any more of that. I could hold your hand when you feel so low, but I can’t, I think we will be good for a little bit yet, I will see you on the other side as always X

You’re going to leave me, aren’t you? … You’ve had enough of me, haven’t you? You’re probably so tired of all this crying and all these moods, and I’ve got to tell you, so am I. So am I. Sometimes it seems like my mind has a mind of its own, like I just get hysterical, like it’s something I can’t control at all. And I don’t know what to do, and I feel so sorry for you because you don’t know what to do either. And I’m sure you’re going to leave me now.

—Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation (via larmoyante)

I’ve started dreaming again.
One was these awful white faced blood creatures that I could only see, that could only be seen with filters, that were all around us, they played an advert on telly where a boat was loosing axe heads into the sea and blood was gushing out of the sea, and it was to demonstrate how these beings were prevalent everywhere but you needed a certain lense to see them, I think they were the people in purgatory? I remember news footage of this girl flailing in a pond and people were reaching out to her but they couldn’t even touch her their hands just went right through her.

And today I dreamed of you.


I’ll kick anyone’s ass I’ll kick your ass I’ll kick my own ass

So I took a week off to indulge,  take drugs,  stave off the comedown with alcohol, then stave off the hangover with greasy food, then misappropriate the guilt by crushing on unobtainable folks then covering my guilt by drinking more then eating greasy food… you get the idea.
Involving at least 2 days not eating, in between the days of eating crap so I’ve lost 2 and a half pounds, but that’s technically in two weeks so it’s not great.
5lb off in 3 week.
Slow and steady.